20 Toddler tips in 20 days 12. Toddler Stutter

Toddler Survival Tip #12

12. Toddler Stutter

My husband stutters and had quite a bit of stuttering issues as a child. So when my Geran started stuttering, I grew concerned. Geran has gone through stuttering fazes. I was worried when I heard him stutter quite a bit. My husband assured me to calm down and just act naturally. Don't try to force him to slow down or say it different. I did as he said and eventually he stopped. He started up a few times and stopped again. He is 3 and I haven't heard him stutter in a few months now. I do know that they can stutter until age 5 and that is is common. Read the article below.

It states that often toddlers who stutter have brains that are working too fast for their mouths.

http://www.speechforkids.com/questions/stuttering.html

TIPS

Wait and See Children (and adults, too) tend to stutter more when they're upset, uncomfortable, angry, or just plain excited. If your child is stuttering only at these times and the stuttering is mild, don't be in a rush to get him evaluated. He'll probably outgrow the tendency as he gets more comfortable speaking. Age is also a factor. Since many children go through a stuttering phase while learning to talk, most experts recommend waiting until your child is 3 or 4 before taking action.

Seek Advice
If your child is approaching 3 and the stuttering has continued for three to six months, speak to his doctor, who can refer you to a speech therapist for an evaluation.  Ask your child's daycare, preschool teacher or others if this seems normal or more advanced problem. Ask other parents how their child's speech is. A speech therapist may have some ideas on what techniques at home to try and help your child feel more comfortable speaking.

Speech Therapy
I know it can feel daunting to have 'experts' examing your babies, but trust them. They have found early intervention can benefit your child greatly! If the exercises are presented in fun games, a 3-year-old can learn strategies to reduce the frequency and severity of stuttering episodes.

Try these on your own

• Keep a relaxed face. I was reminded by my hubby that I had this worried look on my face when Geran stutters. Not helpful. Smile if you can, don't point out the stutter to him, he probably has no idea he's doing it.

• I am a fast talker, I had to learn to talk to him slow, and in relaxed tones.

• Maintain normal eye contact and wait for him to finish once he starts stuttering. Don't finish his sentences for him. Let his brain work at figuring it out on his own. He needs to train his mouth to catch up or his brain to slow down. Don't tell your child to slow down, you think your being helpful, let them work it out.

• You can repeat the sentence back to him in a fluid manner to show him how it needs to be said, not in a teaching manner but more like a question, "Is this what you are asking?

• Find time in your day for a stress free conversation. Take time to talk quietly and slowly just you and your toddler.

• Validate feelings if he needs that. "Talking can be tough sometimes." It can relax him to know you are related to his frustration.

• Encourage stories and songs. My husband can sing well. I never hear him stutter when he sings. His mind and body just relax and we enjoy the music.

Good Luck!

Amanda

www.stickyhands.ca

20 Toddler tips in 20 days 11. Toddler Behaviour and Schedules

Toddler Survival Tip #11

10. Toddler Behaviour Behaviour and Schedules 

Behaviour problems such as not going to bed on time, not sitting at the table, not cleaning up toys and other little frustrations for a parent can easily be turned around with a bit of schedule.

Humans are by natural a lover of schedules. We like to know what time we have to work at, when our lunch breaks are and where we can take them. Who to go to for more information, how to get help, what materials go where. An organized work space is a lot less stressful for us as adults, why would kids be any different?

Remember toddler are very emotional and social being, with short attention spans and an inexhaustible need for activity. 

I usually try to run my two boys out every day. Each morning we go out for an hour walk and some time at the park. My 1 and 3 year old can burn out their energy and I get some outside time and exercise for my own mental and physical health. But what will I be doing when it hails? or I feel ill? or maybe I have too much work to do or I feel down that day and just can't get them out? 

For this reason I fall back on a daily schedule. I am currently creating one for my wall with cards with pictures on it for them to see and myself to follow. I have them on velcro so I can change any day up as we go along. I tried a regular paper one with my 3 year old as a trial and it worked really well!.

He would look at in the morning and remind me if I forget things, like, "Oh mommy you forgot to put the music on for music time today." He loved it!

The TIPS

HOW do you make a toddler schedule? 

Think about what activities your children would enjoy in the day. Think about their energy levels, naps, your one on one time with them, free play, crafts, and your stuff too... cleaning, laundry, dinners, work, personal time. Like a baby's schedule it should serve you, not you serving the schedule. Make a prototype first and see how the day goes.

Some examples could be:

• breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks
• naps, rest
• book corner
• storytime
• bathtime
• play outside
• free play
• tv/dvd
• roomtime alone (usually not longer than 15 min for young ones)
• one on one with dad or mom
• clean up time
• chores or mommy helper time
• toileting, dressing skill building time
• learning time, letters, animals, board games, fine motor skills
• crafts
• choice time (bins of toys they don't get to play with a lot

Now list what you need to do in your day:

• 7:30am and 2:30pm - errands / PU kids from school
• 40 min dinner prep time
• 1 load of laundry per day
• 15 min personal time twice a day
• 15 hubby time
• 30 min waiting in car for piano lesson
• kitchen clean up 30 3 times a day
• nap
• shower
• 30 min exercise
• blogging
• cold calls
• data entry
• anythings else that you need

Now blend the list together or separate them one for you and one for them to see. See if you can get your hubby or older siblings to help with any job or watching toddlers for short periods throughout your day.

For your self time or work time, try to include the free play here or add a "Distracta Box" which is a special box they don't get to play with unless you are on the phone or working. Put a new item or toy in it once in a while to keep it fresh and new.

We also have a bedtime schedule in the bathroom. My 3 year old goes through the list and tells me whats next. We don't have fights at bedtime as a rule, cause the routine stays the same.

Start and end your naps, eating etc at the same time each day. Especially if it around a certain thing or time when your toddler usually acts up. If it's bedtime they struggle with, then focus on a bedtime schedule, stick to it for a couple weeks, start at the same time do the same things in the same order, soon you'll find their body knows the triggers before bed.

For Bedtime Struggles:

DON'T keep going into your toddlers room if they call you again and again. If they keep coming out, just quietly put them back in bed, don't talk or engage, kiss them on the head, tuck them in and simple say, bedtime now, I love you. Go out of the room. You may need to repeat this A LOT in the beginning, but soon,they'll know you mean business. Mean what you say and do and do what you mean and say.

If you keep to a routine, they will know what's next and it's hard to question. Start at a reasonable time and allow for life skills to develop. Think about allowing them to brush teeth, wash face, toilet training, putting on their own pj's, picking a book out (this can all be time consuming.) Allow 40 minutes before you actually want to walk out of the bedroom. We start at 7pm and usually end at 7:30pm.

Our bedtime schedule is:

PJ

Snack

Book

Potty

Wash

Brusth teeth

Bed

Story

Kisses

It has pictures to follow along, he usually shows us whats next.

Ask a lot of questions,

"What do you think you need to do before bed?"

"Can you tell me that happiest part of your day?"

"Can you show me your sugar bugs?" 

"How do we put pj's on, can you do it yourself?"

We encourage a lot of life skills and positive thoughts before sleeping.

Never bribe, threaten, or yell at a child before bed. Some days are hard, it's ok to say,"Today was a difficult day, tomorrow will be better." "Mommy wasn't happy with how you acted, but I love you very much and I know you can do better tomorrow."

Remember your baby is now a toddler, but still so so young. Love the child behind the behaviour. We all make mistakes, forgive them as you would yourself.

Good Luck!

Amanda

amanda@stickyhands.ca

www.stickyhands.ca

baby signing classes begin Sept. 11th!

20 Toddler tips in 20 days 10. Toddler Visits

Toddler Survival Tip #10

10. Toddler Visits

So you still have friends without kids, or grandparents that they hardly see. A visit in a new home with toddlers can be like taking an elephant into a tea cup store. Be prepared and keep the visit short and successful.

Especially during holidays we tend to visit people, who may not have a child proof home. Glass coffee tables and ornate lamps or expensive Nick knacks are always a worry for the mother of the 'toddling toddlers.' So what can you do  to prepare?

TIPS

1. Let your host know what they can expect. If you think that the children may not be welcomed or safe in the home, you may want to get a sitter. Talk to your host before hand. You can kindly note that your toddler is learning how to pull himself up on things and grab at shiny new things and they may want to put away any valuables and make sure they don't have any table clothes that can pull down the dinnerware. Even the best behaved children get excited, curious and loose their manners sometimes, especially at new places. Remind your host of the ages of your children and see if she has ideas on where and what they can play with.

2. Bring stuff. It's best if you bring toys or materials they have never seen before or rarely get to play with. Play Dough is a great one, quiet and busy. Depending on the ages of children of course. Magna Doodles are great, crayons, colouring books, paper, foam balls, deck of cards, puzzles. They may have never played with them at your home, but if these materials show up at your hosts house, they suddenly are very cool. Outside play can bring chalk for driveway art

3. Bring snacks. Don't expect your children to love the casserole dish served at Aunties house. Bring the food you know they will eat and feel comfortable with. or just bring small snacks, many 2 year old do not eat dinner and small snacks are the way to go. Avocados, bananas, apples, nuts, popcorn, granola, hard boiled egg, veggie sticks, Cheerios, berries, carrot sticks, broccoli, and dips, don't forget fun dips.

4. Talk to your kids. Let them know what to expect and what you expect from them. Talk about using manners, please and thank you. Even to a 13 month old baby deserves to know what to expect. They may not understand everything, but telling them each time will get you and them into the habit and knowing something different is expected. Talk to them like you want to be talked to with respect and love. Be firm and kind. Example: "Remember when we are at grandma's you need to ask her before you grab and play with things." Use your "thank you's and your please. She likes that a lot." "I know you can behave and be helpful." "If you don't know what to do, just ask me." 

5. Validate their feelings, respect their no's. If they don't want to hug Auntie Kim goodbye, just say, "Ok, can you wave goodbye and say thank you then." We want our babies to grow up to be teenagers that know how to say no when they don't feel comfortable, so teach them young. 

Good Luck!

20 Toddler tips in 20 days 9. Sibling Rivalry

Toddler Survival Tip #9

9. Sibling Rivalry

Did you know that a crying baby is practicing social skills? Crying brings adults, who provide food, comfort and entertainment. By 4 months, they begin to smile, giggle, coo, mimicking and interact with their environment. They feel they are the only important ones in this world, they don't even recognize themselves in the mirror as 'them' until about 12 months. Between 12 and 24 months they finally discover that other people are held in this world too.

It doesn't stop with just the discovery of others in their environment, toddlers also want to know what and how these others play a part in their world.
It's no wonder they often hit, bite, push and fight to discover how to get along with others.

So what do you do when your precious little ones are squabbling, pinching and terrorizing each other? Again, I refer back to your number one job - teach. 
We must use distractions, SUPERVISION, redirection and giving reasonable limits.

The TIPS

1. Social Skills must be Taught!
They don't come naturally for all children, social skills must be taught. With the addition of siblings, comes opportunity. How better to teach them to share and cooperate than everyday all day long with their siblings. 

2. Access. Don't expect your 2 or 3 year old to be tolerant of a younger baby for too long. It's important to teach them to share and be tolerant indeed, but after a full day of having the baby knock down all your blocks, rip apart your train tracks, eat your last berry, chew up your favourite doll's nose, there's a limit to their patience. We think, "they need to LEARN to get along", and this it true, but who is teaching them? How are we teaching them? Who is overseeing the everyday, all day activities? Observe how they get along. 
Picture your husband coming home saying, "Honey, you know I love you, I love you so much that I decided to bring home another wife. I want you to know that I have enough love for both of you, so don't be jealous, be nice and get along."  

It's hard for children to instantly be tolerant of siblings, it takes practice and patience and bonding time.
This is a great article about what to do before bringing a new baby home.
http://mightymommy.quickanddirtytips.com/bringing-home-a-new-sibling.aspx

3. Space. Give them some space. Allow your older child to have a quiet, safe spot to go where the baby can't get at them. Let them have some breathing room and time to just be alone. We all need alone time in our lives at some point. Especially if things have been hectic or different. We have a book corner and we have a play room. I will sometimes gate off the playroom and ask my older son (3yrs) if he wants to play with this trains or something quietly in there and take a break from the baby.(14m) Often he will answer yes. He can take anywhere from 15 - 20 min of alone time until he asks to be back with everyone or he wants his brother to join him. I think it's important to give them a choice of when to be tolerant and when they need space.

4. MINE! Have you ever seen a "everything is mine" child?  Or do you have one? I can be frustrating trying to teach children that not everything is theirs, but they are only doing what comes natural to them. Under the age of 2 children are egocentric - they are the center of their own world, this is normal and natural. They simply thing that all things belong to them. Don't try arguing just teach. Example, "My purse!" Say, "Oh you like mommy's purse. Want to help me carry it?" Don't invite a power struggle, give her accurate information and a  way to make a contribution. "My cereal!" You are hungry for cereal, want to help pour some of the cereal into mama bowl and then your bowl?" "Nice sharing the cereal." "My car!" "You think your brothers car is cool! Maybe he has a different car to share with you." Get your older one to give him an alternative toy. Toddlers love to help! 
Remember:mo amount of logic or lecturing will change their point of view at this age, it is how she see's her world. Find a way to invite cooperation.

5. Peer Teach. Give your older child small jobs to help out the younger child. The usually love 'getting stuff' for baby. Get them involved in an important role so they still feel secure and love. Don't expect them to be all grown up by age of 3. They are still very young and need lots of guidance and reassurance.  
Personal Example: What I do with my boys is if my 14 month old wants what his older 3 year old brother wants. (which is everyday) I tell my older son to get another alternative toy for him to play with. I can't be the one to give him a different toy, he wants his brother to do it. He follows him around and wants all his stuff. I teach my older son, show him how you play, he wants to learn how to play with you. Give him a quick hug or kiss and he'll leave you alone right after. I know my kids as I observe them. I try to teach my older son quick tricks like this to help stave off any long term annoyance a baby may have on an older child.

If there is some aggression between siblings, refer to my aggression toddler tip blog http://babysignlanguagewithstickyhands.blogspot.ca/2012/08/20-toddler-tips-in-20-days-today_27.html

Remember validating feelings and giving out hugs can calm a storm pretty quickly. If one child in particular is always being quite aggressive, they may need more one on one time with you, some attention and love can sometimes cause anxiety and fears.

Feel free to contact me or comment for any other information.

Amanda
amanda@stickyhands.ca

Sept. 2012 Home School Photos

Since tomorrow is the first day of public school I thought it fitting to start home schooling my boys now. I have no plan, no idea what I am doing yet, but I plan on stealing ideas and researching information from other successful home school parents. If you are one of these, please feel free to give me tips, ideas, comment and support.

I did connect with a few moms and a homeschooling group for the lowermainland to start. So I figure the first step is to find others who are already doing this and see what I need to do for my boys with their ages. I didn't think I was going to start home schooling until age 5, but after reading and connecting with other parents on Facebook, I discovered many start very young, as young as 6 months old for home schooling.

So I decided my 3 year old should probably start and why not my 14 month old too?

I'll keep you posted on how this journey goes and where it takes me. I hope.

Here is their first Home School Picture day!

20 Toddler tips in 20 days 8.Reading the ABC's

Toddler Survival Tip #8 Reading ABC's

8. Reading the ABC's

It's true most toddlers are all about the action and being physical. But they are also trying to communicate with you. After the age of 12 months you may see some frustrations and misbehaviour and a lot of this may be due to lack of communication skills. Encourage language development and interest in books by reading with your toddler every day if you can. Keep it light an engaging. Here are some great reading tips for an active toddler.

1. Sit still? Don't expect your toddler to sit through an entire book, even a small book. Toddlers need to move, engage them by reading with animals sounds and time to move books. A great favourite of Nashville's is "I Love You Through and Through." It has a lot of body parts he can point to like his ears, nose etc. It also has parts where he can run, walk, open his mouth and say awe. He loves the interaction in the book. 

2. Pause. Don't rush a book. Stay on a favourite page if he wants to see that page and make the elephant noise again and again. Let your little one finish a phrase if he knows the ending. I have a song we sing and at the end of it I stop and he says, "and on an on an on an on." It's so cute! When they get real smart, make silly mistakes and watch them giggle and correct you.

3. Little Bits. As I said before don't try to sit through an entire book, you know your child's attention span. Read bits at a time, let them choose the book. Read often throughout the day. My toddler will run back and forth to the book corner for one or two pages only, then off he goes.

4. Comprehension. It can start early. Ask them questions, even young ones. "Where do you think the puppy is going?" "What will happen next?" The answers are sometimes super funny! For my 14 month old, if I ask where is it, he signs back to me "where is it?" lol

5. Toddler not into reading? Try to pick up books at different times in the day. Sometimes before bed maybe a nice quiet time or early in the morning. We have a book corner in the house with a big soft pillow and a bin of books, I put in different books once in a while or library books to keep it interesting and new. Next time they fled to the corner, they are like, "wow new books! It's like surprise."

6. Try Signing. Of course, I wouldn't be a signing mama if I didn't encourage sign language with your little ones. 12 months is a great time to start, but anytime is a great time to start. They are geared for language at birth, that is why they cry for food on day one. Signing babies tend to read earlier than babies that are not signed to. 25 years of scientific research put on by Dr. Linda Acredolo and Susan Goodwin proved that babies who were signed to scored 12 points higher on intellectual skills by the age of 8 years old compared to non signing babies.

Personal Experience:

 I love to watch Nashville reading his book to himself at 14 months. He turns the pages and signs the words he knows. He knows about 50 signs already! He has already started talking. He also picks up letters and tries out the sounds of them like T... saying ttttttt. It's super cool!

Happy Reading!

Abbotsford Baby Sign Language classes begin Sept. 11th!

Amanda

amanda@stickyhands.ca

www.stickyhands.ca

20 Toddler tips in 20 days 7.To spank or not to spank

Toddler Survival Tip #7

7. Punishment vs Discipline

Who is raising the child? It's great to the think the village can raise the child, unless the village is full of adults who yell, throw tantrums, spank, pout and generally haven't moved past the toddler stage in their own lives. Sometimes you need to trust your own heart and your own parenting skills, just cause you were raised a certain way, doesn't mean it's the only way. I encourage you to read, research ask other parents, search for support groups, whatever it takes.

Spanking/slapping/hitting a child teaches your child, if you are bigger you can hit. It does not teach self restraint, it teaches the opposite.

Top 10 reasons not to hit a child:

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/spanking/10-reasons-not-hit-your-child

Think of this...after you spank your kid, would you let them play by a busy street unsupervised? A parent might spank a child a hundred times, it would still be unwise to allow that child to play unsupervised by a busy road.

Spanking is a reaction usually born out of fear, worry, concern and frustration. The parent is the one who usually needs the time out before this happens. 

Frustration is greatly eased when parents remember to be kind when they are being firm. Children feel the difference and so do you.

So what CAN you do?

A Childcare director was once asked by a parent, how to keep children away from things they should not touch. His answer was simple:
"If they shouldn't touch it, it should not be within their reach." 
Self restraint comes later in life, not for toddlers.

Child proofing your home does not make you a paranoid parent or a lazy parent. I have had my grandparents and parents both say, "I didn't child proof my home when you were young and I'm not about to start now!" or "Just teach them not to touch it, smack their hands away, spank them, yell at them, put them in the corner."

How can we allow our babies and toddler to learn about their world by exploring if we constantly tell them no? 

All this backwards thinking only causes a child to feel insecure, scared to examine and experiment. We need researcher, self starters, independent children, not fearful ones. When you hit your child you instill a sense of shame and doubt.

The word DISCIPLINE literally means: to educate; activity, exercise or regimen that develops or improves skills.

We are parents; therefore, we are teachers of children. Take time to educate, train and exercise life skills within your toddlers. That is your job right now. 

THE TIPS

How to create independent, self confident children:

1.CHILD PROOF 

your home. In the 2nd year, toddlers are developing the maturation of the muscle system so allowing them to climb, crawl, explore is the best way to help develop healthy muscles. It also allows freedom to choose what to learn about. The Monassori Program believes they best way for a child to learn and the most effective way is to allow them to choose what to do. Dropping the spoon over and over again isn't to drive you crazy, it is actually developing grasping muscles and their sense of autonomy. (self control)

2. DISTRACT and offer CHOICES

Since we know toddlers naturally are curious, have places in your home designed to explore. Kitchen: cupboard full of plastic containers, wooden spoons, pots, pans, and safe fun objects. 

Living room: box of old remote controls, toys, books.

Laundry room: box with old clean rags to pull out of an old baby wipe container, baskets with play clothes. You get the idea

Extra tip: if you have a child who acts up when your own the phone... create a 'distracta box' filled with new toys and puzzles they don't get to play with. It can sit on top of the fridge and you can let them play it only when you are on the phone.

3. KIND and FIRM

Attitude: Change your perception. Recognize your child's motivation and abilities and calm yourself before reacting. Remember abstract ideas and comments like 'no and be good' are useless in parenting children under 3. Value the process. make time to enjoy the getting there in doing something instead of the outcome. 

Atmosphere: Give your toddler practice time. New life skills can be messy (pouring milk into a cup) Scale down large tasks with small steps and child size tools. I have a small milk pouring container (like those at restaurants) in the fridge that my 3 year old son can pick up and use himself, learning to pour milk with that is much easier than trying it from a 4L milk jug. Encourage thinking skills by asking "what and how" questions. Allow choices and reasonable chances to say no. Avoid power struggles. Give hugs instead of engaging in "yes" and "no" shouting matches.

Action: Follow through by doing what you say you will do. 

PERSONAL EXAMPLE: My 3 year old son was acting up at the playground and my 1 year old was playing nicely. I told my 3 year old if he ran off out of the playground again, we would go home. He did and we went home. I felt bad I had to take my 1 year old home because of my older son, but I had to stick to my word. The next week at the park my son remembered before we go there and said, "I'm going to listen today so we can stay and play." I was floored he even remembered! (7 days later!) 

In hinesight, I think I should have said if you are running off you have to sit in the stroller and watch your brother play for 3 minutes. But my point is that I stuck to my word, even though it was sad for me. 

Teach by doing. Talk less, avoid lectures - act instead. Offer limited choices. Avoid open-ended choices such as "Do you want to go to bed?" They will answer no, then what? Use redirection and distraction as many times as it takes.

4. LOVE and ENCOURAGEMENT 

Tell them what they can do. "You can't jump on the couch. Would you like to play with your trucks or help me with the dishes?" "It's time for bed. Which story do you want to read after I help you put on your pj's?" I have to talk on the phone, You can play in your phone basket or the pan cupboard while I am on the phone." Give them encouragement on what they do well. Label it so they can get use to hearing the words.

"You are very responsible putting your coat on the hook."

"I like how quiet your voice is at the dinner table, I like talking to you."

"Wow, you said please and thank you, what good manners you have."

Nothing is more important than the connection and relationship you have with your child. Understanding how important it is for your toddler to learn life skills can help parents know that over protection and oppression is not the best way to show love. Hugging your baby when he is angry, sad, frustrated and confused will help him learn empathy and important cool down skills. With touch therapy, love, hugging and kindness your child learns how humans need to interact with each other when things go wrong. 

When you are sad, angry, depressed, upset isn't it wonderful to have someone you really love give you a hug, a rub on the back, a kind hand on your arm. Does it not help heal you immediately and you begin to calm down and reconnect to your inner joy? This connection is the base of what makes us human. Empathy, joy, love, compassion, self assurance... do we not what this in our children. Let's teach by doing.

Good Luck!

Amanda

amanda@stickyhands.ca

www.stickyhands.ca