Two crying boys ... the best sound?

A short success story where two sobbing boys found peace.

It can be easy to complain how hard it is to parent now a days. But today I found the pearl in the rough. It could have gone so badly that ended up with me crying, calling someone to stop me from yelling at my kids and complaining all night to my hubby what a terrible night it was... 

but this is not that story...

I have been taking this Mildfulness Based Stress Reduction Class at UFV and at first I hated it. It was hard to sit quiet for hours and feel things.. It seems boring and stupid. But today I had some success at calming my mind and body....and THANKS goodness, cause when I got home it was *full on!*

My two boys 7 and 9 were angry, fighting with each other, not listening and not going to bed. Luckily I checked in with myself and realized, YES, I can handle this tonight.

So I had my little one go to my bed while he `screamed cried` how terrible his brother was. I just listened and said things like, `hmm... yeah... that`s so tough... and I am sorry your so sad... yeaaaaa...I hear that....`   

I did this long `Stay Listen`with him. https://www.handinhandparenting.org/article/what-to-say-during-staylistening/

 

Where I just listened until he settled... it took a long time, like 30 min until he finally started talking about something else. I didn`t even offer to fix it or any advice. Then soon after he drifted off to sleep with some kid guided meditation.

Then it was off to the 9 year old`s room. Who said he was ``fine`` which of course I knew he wasn't. I probed a bit more and asked if he was sad his brother was screaming at him. Finally he admitted he was upset with brother and began to `vent` But it soon escalated into tears when I asked what else was wrong. Soon he was crying, sobbing about the daily struggles of a 9 year old. When he had finished, I also guided him through body meditation and relaxation and he soon fell asleep.

Both boys hugged, kissed, snuggled in, seemed really at peace and my heart was filled with love.

Both boys crying, I realized tonight, the needed a good cry. They needed a mom to `just listen.`Don`t fix it, punish this one or that one, don't over interfere, JUST LISTEN! And I did!

I have really been trying to learn about how to `hold space` for those who need to be heard. Without judgments, without advice. Tonight was a nice success story learning how to do that.

I actually was able to enjoy my boys cry and stroke their head and be there "rock." I didn`t get anxiety about it, I didn`t feel a need to fix it. This is very new territory for me. I hope I can visit this strength and calmness more often.

Thank you for the read.

Hard Things are Hard

As a homeschooler I am often face with weird questions like,

“Aren’t you afraid if your kids don’t go to public school they won’t learn how to deal with bullies?”
Or
“You know, your kids can’t just do whatever they want forever, eventually they will have to do stuff they don’t want to do and it’s going to be hard.”

First thanks for your concern but I’m ok with my decision to homeschool.
 Ask any public school parent and I am confident they will agree it won’t matter if you send them to school or homeschool or travel or other and eventually our children will have hard things happen to them.

When our kids say this is hard.
We need to listen. Not shame them.

We needn’t say things like this:
“Things are going to be hard one day and therefore you have to do this hard thing and do work you don’t want to do because one day you will have to do things you don’t want to do, so do this!”

That won’t serve them now.

 Or your relationship with them.

Let not talk like our children “owe us” effort because they are going to encounter hard things later.

Hard things are hard. They need our support and love and understanding.

Imagine labour pains without a hand to hold? Or imagine trying to get a term paper done or running a marathon and someone says to you - “you better just do it. Things are hard.”

How do we get through hard things?
We have support.
We have incentives, trophies, ribbons, free nanas and donuts. Certificates and ceremonies.

We hopefully have a hand to hold and shoulder to lean on. We celebrate our process and we have a reward for ourselves afterwardsa and sometimes during.

When things are hard we need to ask our kids. How can I support you through this hard thing? How can we sweeten the deal?
They have ...
A long paragraph to write? A tough soccer game to get through? A difficult book to read? A bully to deal with?
How can we help you?

Brownies after?
Special time with mom?
Playtime and chat?
Sit  with them through it?
 Chunk up the assignment?

Ask them what can we do to help?
Ask them “How much effort can you give me?”

Don’t Shame them into it.

Partnership. Together!

Make cookies. Sweeten the deal!

Just food for thought.

Remember

I am reminded why I started this Blog. For myself and for writing. To help me stare at a piece of white paper and just write. I have been using a blue pen on real paper way lately and I like it. I love the way the pen feels under the ink. But I think it important to continue here as well.

I love reading parenting books, short stories, poetry, financial information and puppy know how. I always surround myself with what I have. I like to feed my soul with what I need.

This week, puppy is 6 month old Shepherd crazy and fun. Kids are doing well homeschooling still. James is doing well with his studio and band work. My stories are progressing, I'm still painting and I am reading a lot lately.

So in short. I am happy. That's all for today.

Forgiveness

Your going to say stuff and to do stuff in life as your human right that will be a mistake. Own that. We are born to make mistakes. It all works out eventually. It's time to forgive yourself. Too many of us hold onto hurt feelings and self criticism, this is very unhealthy for us. Why would you choose to hurt yourself again and again everyday? Today, let it go. Like the Frozen song, we must trust our awesome selves and and let sh*t go! You are not a better person for feeling crappy about yourself, just a sadder one. Don't destroy your spirit by filling it with guilt or shame. Move past this.

Forgive yourself. Do it daily. You will mess up again, forgiving yourself isn't a get outa jail free card, but it's a start to living more freely. Once you rid yourself of guilt and self crappiness, you can then live more freely, happily and move on with your life.

I read a few ways to help get rid of guilt and forgive youself... this is one of my favourites:

Repeat to yourself about a certain situation this mantra:

"Holding onto these bad feeling is doing nothing, but harming me, and everyone else. It's preventing me from living my fabulous life. I choose to let this go. I am an awesome person who deserves forgiveness. "

If you do this while "tapping" or using EFT system, it is profoundly effective. Do it for daily, until your feelings feel lighter.

Good Job!

The following is an example of "tapping"
https://www.thetappingsolution.com/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWu3rSEddZI&t=2s

There are no bad things

Hi,

Welcome. I haven't posted a blog in a long, long time. I find myself reading more again and with that there is always clarity and peace. Readers are often leaders. So let me lead you into my mind. Enjoy the read. You don't need to agree with me, or follow what I speak about, but enjoy it all the same.

I have been reading a book called, "You are a Badass." It's very funny and very inspiring. I had some thoughts to share with you about what I'm reading... enjoy.

When things don't work out the way you 'planned'... Don't say it's bad. I'm telling you nothing is 'bad.' Nothing happens the exact way you expect. It never happens the way you expect. If something unexpected happens, Say instead, "hmm, this isn't what I was expecting."

If you don't get what your expecting, have no issue with that.

The road to your objective is never the way you think it will turn out. It has surprises and if you stay positive, they will be positive surprises. Get excited when things take a different turn, and say, wow I wonder what this corner will give me! I know first hand my expectations of my life were very different from where they are now. I had no idea who or what would come into my life when I was little. It always changed and it always turns out good. But never the way I expected.


If you think this isn't the result you expected, then think, I wonder where this road will lead me. It didn't work out, but t's still good. Like being sore after a day in the gym. You didn't expect to be hurting at first, but it a good thing.

Next time your tire has a flat, or your dinner burns, or your boyfriend and you break it off, or you get fired, or a loose a job... think... hmm what will this do with my path. What opportunities will be in the future. Where will this lead me. Have a feeling of expectation of great things. Be excited, be intrigued and be open for what is next.

Let me know your 'surprises' in life that lead you to a happier place.

Month 1 to financial freedom

So it's been almost a month. We installed Mint onto our phones and hooked it all up with our accounts. We began seeking some more personal help with budgeting, that dirty word.

We made appointments to chat with friends. (friends who had more money than us, or seem to be more financial well off than us) We asked them, what do you do and how can we get started.

Of course the information came fast and flooded our minds with too much information. So we started making appointments with those willing to help.

We just had our first appointment with friends who were 'expert's' with Mint. They were super helpful in tweaking our budgets and giving us tips on how to use Mint to our liking. They took a look at our receipts were were keeping and we noticed we didn't write on some of the receipts and we were not always sure what we bought from where. For instance something said Abby #52 on Mint, but we found no receipt. Another receipt said something about StoreCanoe for $7.41. Later we found out it was a coffee shop. So we found out it was very important to keep the receipts from new or obscure places. Also it is best to enter this information ASAP onto Mint and put it in the budget where it needs to go to track how much we have left. Bascially Mint just tracks where you spend your money. You get to put in your own budget amount like $50 coffee each month and then it's up to you to stay within that $50. If you need to go over, you must take money from another budget say "entertainment budget" and slide more money allowed to the coffee fund, taking money away from the entertainment fund. You must also keep your budget to zero. This was difficult to understand until someone showed us on Mint.

Now it's practice week. We left their house feeling better handle on things and we had a list of "to do's. Unfortunatley it's already day one and I didnt' do any of the to do's. Another good reason to set up a following check up date with each other or friends, so your honest about following through.

I hope by this week Sunday we will have done at least one thing on our to do list.

Here is a peek at our list this week:

To Do:
1. Cancel our overdraft (it doesn't help our credit and we just keep dipping into it)

2. Apply and open a line of credit at at least 1 other bank than our own, get quotes from at least 4 banks. (pick the one with the lowest interested rate, such as 3-5% -try to get this at least 10,000)
Do not take any money from it.
We learned it's great to have a line of credit and not use ANY of it. (raises your credit rating)

3. Make an appointment with our bank and let them know we were approved at 3-5% with such n such bank and can they lower our interest rate or should we jump ship to this other bank? Since we have a line of credit but the interest rate is too high.

4. Make decisions based on what our bank tell us to do. If our bank lowers our rate - great, pay it off at our own bank, but keep the line of credit open at the other bank and DO NOT use it. Just there as a credit raising plan.

5. If our bank says no, go back to the other bank with the lower interest rate and use that line of credit to pay off ours at our bank. That way we are paying a lower interest rate loan off.

6. Of course keep using MINT and keep receipts that are obscure or have more than one kind of thing on it. For instance, Walmart may have homeschool stuff, gifts for bdays and groceries, you want to see how to split those up in Mint, so keep that receipt until your done with Minting it!

7. Pay off existing credit card and line of credit debt. Always pay off the smallest debt first, so you can feel the progress of it. So if your Sears account is only $500 and your credit card is $1000, pay Sears first. You will feel awesome, your debt is gone and you will be motivated and determined all the more.

8. Make a goal in MINT for paying off debt and link it to my hubbys phone and my own.

9. Look into how much my accounts are costing me and if other banks let you have more than one account free of charge or nearly free?

10. Keep breathing, listening to Pod Casts and reading books about money, no matter how BORING I find it. Keep it up. Soon it will be fun, once you see progress... I am told! haha

Financial freedom? Or enough money to pay bills?

It's Jan and that's resolution time. What did we pick for this year's resolution, yup - get out of debt and climb the ladder to financial stability. So here go - dive right in. First step - start listening to Money Pod Casts. Now I can hear words like Liquidy Ratio, Index Fund, Mutual Funds, Assets, Capital Employed, Dividends, Fixed Costs, FOB, IPOs, ETF, NPV, Share Capital, Restricted Funds, Working Capital and wait... my eyes glazed over and I can't function - off to Facebook or something...

Ok I'm back. Where was I? Oh ya and the dirty word, the filthy dirty word everyone says and very few know how to use the BUDGET! The problem most people have is not that they can't budget, but they don't have enough money to even budget with. So how does one save, climb out of debt and follow a budget, when most months your running out of money just to feed a family?

Well we are about to find out. Enjoy reading our journey on this process. Hopefully this will be a successful story and not a story of, "They tried, they failed, they are off to jail."