Thursday, May 9, 2019

Two crying boys ... the best sound?


A short success story where two sobbing boys found peace.

It can be easy to complain how hard it is to parent now a days. But today I found the pearl in the rough. It could have gone so badly that ended up with me crying, calling someone to stop me from yelling at my kids and complaining all night to my hubby what a terrible night it was... 

but this is not that story...


I have been taking this Mildfulness Based Stress Reduction Class at UFV and at first I hated it. It was hard to sit quiet for hours and feel things.. It seems boring and stupid. But today I had some success at calming my mind and body....and THANKS goodness, cause when I got home it was *full on!*

My two boys 7 and 9 were angry, fighting with each other, not listening and not going to bed. Luckily I checked in with myself and realized, YES, I can handle this tonight.

So I had my little one go to my bed while he `screamed cried` how terrible his brother was. I just listened and said things like, `hmm... yeah... that`s so tough... and I am sorry your so sad... yeaaaaa...I hear that....`   
 
Where I just listened until he settled... it took a long time, like 30 min until he finally started talking about something else. I didn`t even offer to fix it or any advice. Then soon after he drifted off to sleep with some kid guided meditation.

Then it was off to the 9 year old`s room. Who said he was ``fine`` which of course I knew he wasn't. I probed a bit more and asked if he was sad his brother was screaming at him. Finally he admitted he was upset with brother and began to `vent` But it soon escalated into tears when I asked what else was wrong. Soon he was crying, sobbing about the daily struggles of a 9 year old. When he had finished, I also guided him through body meditation and relaxation and he soon fell asleep.

Both boys hugged, kissed, snuggled in, seemed really at peace and my heart was filled with love.

Both boys crying, I realized tonight, the needed a good cry. They needed a mom to `just listen.`Don`t fix it, punish this one or that one, don't over interfere, JUST LISTEN! And I did!

I have really been trying to learn about how to `hold space` for those who need to be heard. Without judgments, without advice. Tonight was a nice success story learning how to do that.

I actually was able to enjoy my boys cry and stroke their head and be there "rock." I didn`t get anxiety about it, I didn`t feel a need to fix it. This is very new territory for me. I hope I can visit this strength and calmness more often.

Thank you for the read.

Sunday, March 3, 2019

Hard Things are Hard

As a homeschooler I am often face with weird questions like,

“Aren’t you afraid if your kids don’t go to public school they won’t learn how to deal with bullies?”
Or
“You know, your kids can’t just do whatever they want forever, eventually they will have to do stuff they don’t want to do and it’s going to be hard.”

First thanks for your concern but I’m ok with my decision to homeschool.
 Ask any public school parent and I am confident they will agree it won’t matter if you send them to school or homeschool or travel or other and eventually our children will have hard things happen to them.

When our kids say this is hard.
We need to listen. Not shame them.

We needn’t say things like this:
“Things are going to be hard one day and therefore you have to do this hard thing and do work you don’t want to do because one day you will have to do things you don’t want to do, so do this!”

That won’t serve them now.

 Or your relationship with them.

Let not talk like our children “owe us” effort because they are going to encounter hard things later.

Hard things are hard. They need our support and love and understanding.

Imagine labour pains without a hand to hold? Or imagine trying to get a term paper done or running a marathon and someone says to you - “you better just do it. Things are hard.”

How do we get through hard things?
We have support.
We have incentives, trophies, ribbons, free nanas and donuts. Certificates and ceremonies.

We hopefully have a hand to hold and shoulder to lean on. We celebrate our process and we have a reward for ourselves afterwardsa and sometimes during.

When things are hard we need to ask our kids. How can I support you through this hard thing? How can we sweeten the deal?
They have ...
A long paragraph to write? A tough soccer game to get through? A difficult book to read? A bully to deal with?
How can we help you?

Brownies after?
Special time with mom?
Playtime and chat?
Sit  with them through it?
 Chunk up the assignment?

Ask them what can we do to help?
Ask them “How much effort can you give me?”

Don’t Shame them into it.

Partnership. Together!

Make cookies. Sweeten the deal!

Just food for thought.




Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Remember

I am reminded why I started this Blog. For myself and for writing. To help me stare at a piece of white paper and just write. I have been using a blue pen on real paper way lately and I like it. I love the way the pen feels under the ink. But I think it important to continue here as well.

I love reading parenting books, short stories, poetry, financial information and puppy know how. I always surround myself with what I have. I like to feed my soul with what I need.

This week, puppy is 6 month old Shepherd crazy and fun. Kids are doing well homeschooling still. James is doing well with his studio and band work. My stories are progressing, I'm still painting and I am reading a lot lately.

So in short. I am happy. That's all for today.