Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Whining, who is in control?

Whining with the 3 year old.

I was tired of hearing myself whine about my 3 year old whining. I have been working hard on finding patterns and observing.

What I have learned this week while focusing on Nashville's whining was I had the power to stop this all along. It has been me I have been working on, not Nash. I have become more aware of our environment, of our routines, of how I interact with Nash before, during and after whining and it is getting better every day! Why didn't I just concentrate on this before? I 'wished' it got better, but I didn't actually DO anything about it.

So far the hugging, getting down to his level and talking to him calmly when he whines has diffused this more quickly every day.

I stopped complaining about it, I stoppped talking negatively about his whining to anyone who would listen. I started talking more positive to everyone. I started saying that Nashville's whining is going away and he's getting better every day. Even if I didn't believe it, I said it and it is now becoming true.

I stopped barking at him to stop whining. I stopped saying, "talk like a big boy. stop whining!" I started to just not acknowledge his whining and just ask if he needed a hug.

It's so much nicer now. I am looking forward to this becoming a habit, instead of me having to work at and remember what to do each time he whines.

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Struggling with whining -week two

The saga continues...

I have noticed a difference in the whining. It is still getting to me and I am still feeling frustrated to almost angry as soon as the whining begins. (I am praying this feeling goes away soon!)
But I have noticed a few things.

Nashville's whining occurs usually and always when he is tired or hungry. Whining also occurs when I have a busy day and have not played with or given enough attention. He likes to reserve most of his whining for me, not dad.

Having this in mind made me hyper aware to give enough hugs, naps and food in the day.

Sometimes this cannot be avoided. His older brother wakes him up earlier than Nash is ready for. He has a hard time being woken up, the whining usually lasts for over an hour if this happens. On these mornings I have to dig down way deep to find new patience and use all my strength to stay calm and rational. I will often make sure we have MORE time than we need for transitions. For instance I would allow him to sit on my lap on the couch for about a half an hour or more and this would stop the whining. I would then make sure he gets to eat something as soon as possible. When he is full, his brain is working on more power.

I need to bring different kinds of snacks and water when we go out in the car; this curbs the whining as well.

We are not out of the dark, but I am learning more about Nash and his needs with this concentrated effort and I have noticed a bit of a calmer atmosphere.

I am quick to pick him up or hug him when he starts to whine and I validate how he is feeling.

I guess at his feeling using phrases like these:

"Your so sad right now, what can I do for you?"
"Your so upset, I'm sorry you can't have that."
"You sound frustrated, would a hug help?"

Theses phrases he almost never answers, but his whining does stop sooner than it use to, so I know he's hearing me.

I will keep you posted...

-Good Luck and Happy Parenting!

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Struggling with whining

So I've been struggling with my 3 year old this year and his excessive whining. I thought I was doing everything right, but it has not stopped so I must be doing something wrong. I'm the adult, I have control of my environment, attitude and atmosphere of my home. That said. I will try to keep you posted in the next few weeks to see if anything I try will end this craziness.

Today I am going to try the hugging it out. Whenever he whines, I will give him a hug and validate his feelings.

This morning, he was whining pretty bad and I climbed into bed and told him to come and snuggle. Took 20 minutes of snuggling, tickling, kissing and loving before he would let me get out of the bed without whining. Interesting study. I'll let you know how the rest of the day goes...

The remainder of the day felt like the longest and hardest whining day ever! When I got home my husband also was making sure he got down to his level, looked him in they and truly listened to him when he whined.

I didn't feel very successful.