Thursday, May 9, 2019

Two crying boys ... the best sound?


A short success story where two sobbing boys found peace.

It can be easy to complain how hard it is to parent now a days. But today I found the pearl in the rough. It could have gone so badly that ended up with me crying, calling someone to stop me from yelling at my kids and complaining all night to my hubby what a terrible night it was... 

but this is not that story...


I have been taking this Mildfulness Based Stress Reduction Class at UFV and at first I hated it. It was hard to sit quiet for hours and feel things.. It seems boring and stupid. But today I had some success at calming my mind and body....and THANKS goodness, cause when I got home it was *full on!*

My two boys 7 and 9 were angry, fighting with each other, not listening and not going to bed. Luckily I checked in with myself and realized, YES, I can handle this tonight.

So I had my little one go to my bed while he `screamed cried` how terrible his brother was. I just listened and said things like, `hmm... yeah... that`s so tough... and I am sorry your so sad... yeaaaaa...I hear that....`   
 
Where I just listened until he settled... it took a long time, like 30 min until he finally started talking about something else. I didn`t even offer to fix it or any advice. Then soon after he drifted off to sleep with some kid guided meditation.

Then it was off to the 9 year old`s room. Who said he was ``fine`` which of course I knew he wasn't. I probed a bit more and asked if he was sad his brother was screaming at him. Finally he admitted he was upset with brother and began to `vent` But it soon escalated into tears when I asked what else was wrong. Soon he was crying, sobbing about the daily struggles of a 9 year old. When he had finished, I also guided him through body meditation and relaxation and he soon fell asleep.

Both boys hugged, kissed, snuggled in, seemed really at peace and my heart was filled with love.

Both boys crying, I realized tonight, the needed a good cry. They needed a mom to `just listen.`Don`t fix it, punish this one or that one, don't over interfere, JUST LISTEN! And I did!

I have really been trying to learn about how to `hold space` for those who need to be heard. Without judgments, without advice. Tonight was a nice success story learning how to do that.

I actually was able to enjoy my boys cry and stroke their head and be there "rock." I didn`t get anxiety about it, I didn`t feel a need to fix it. This is very new territory for me. I hope I can visit this strength and calmness more often.

Thank you for the read.