Hard Things are Hard

As a homeschooler I am often face with weird questions like,

“Aren’t you afraid if your kids don’t go to public school they won’t learn how to deal with bullies?”
Or
“You know, your kids can’t just do whatever they want forever, eventually they will have to do stuff they don’t want to do and it’s going to be hard.”

First thanks for your concern but I’m ok with my decision to homeschool.
 Ask any public school parent and I am confident they will agree it won’t matter if you send them to school or homeschool or travel or other and eventually our children will have hard things happen to them.

When our kids say this is hard.
We need to listen. Not shame them.

We needn’t say things like this:
“Things are going to be hard one day and therefore you have to do this hard thing and do work you don’t want to do because one day you will have to do things you don’t want to do, so do this!”

That won’t serve them now.

 Or your relationship with them.

Let not talk like our children “owe us” effort because they are going to encounter hard things later.

Hard things are hard. They need our support and love and understanding.

Imagine labour pains without a hand to hold? Or imagine trying to get a term paper done or running a marathon and someone says to you - “you better just do it. Things are hard.”

How do we get through hard things?
We have support.
We have incentives, trophies, ribbons, free nanas and donuts. Certificates and ceremonies.

We hopefully have a hand to hold and shoulder to lean on. We celebrate our process and we have a reward for ourselves afterwardsa and sometimes during.

When things are hard we need to ask our kids. How can I support you through this hard thing? How can we sweeten the deal?
They have ...
A long paragraph to write? A tough soccer game to get through? A difficult book to read? A bully to deal with?
How can we help you?

Brownies after?
Special time with mom?
Playtime and chat?
Sit  with them through it?
 Chunk up the assignment?

Ask them what can we do to help?
Ask them “How much effort can you give me?”

Don’t Shame them into it.

Partnership. Together!

Make cookies. Sweeten the deal!

Just food for thought.

Remember

I am reminded why I started this Blog. For myself and for writing. To help me stare at a piece of white paper and just write. I have been using a blue pen on real paper way lately and I like it. I love the way the pen feels under the ink. But I think it important to continue here as well.

I love reading parenting books, short stories, poetry, financial information and puppy know how. I always surround myself with what I have. I like to feed my soul with what I need.

This week, puppy is 6 month old Shepherd crazy and fun. Kids are doing well homeschooling still. James is doing well with his studio and band work. My stories are progressing, I'm still painting and I am reading a lot lately.

So in short. I am happy. That's all for today.

Forgiveness

Your going to say stuff and to do stuff in life as your human right that will be a mistake. Own that. We are born to make mistakes. It all works out eventually. It's time to forgive yourself. Too many of us hold onto hurt feelings and self criticism, this is very unhealthy for us. Why would you choose to hurt yourself again and again everyday? Today, let it go. Like the Frozen song, we must trust our awesome selves and and let sh*t go! You are not a better person for feeling crappy about yourself, just a sadder one. Don't destroy your spirit by filling it with guilt or shame. Move past this.

Forgive yourself. Do it daily. You will mess up again, forgiving yourself isn't a get outa jail free card, but it's a start to living more freely. Once you rid yourself of guilt and self crappiness, you can then live more freely, happily and move on with your life.

I read a few ways to help get rid of guilt and forgive youself... this is one of my favourites:

Repeat to yourself about a certain situation this mantra:

"Holding onto these bad feeling is doing nothing, but harming me, and everyone else. It's preventing me from living my fabulous life. I choose to let this go. I am an awesome person who deserves forgiveness. "

If you do this while "tapping" or using EFT system, it is profoundly effective. Do it for daily, until your feelings feel lighter.

Good Job!

The following is an example of "tapping"
https://www.thetappingsolution.com/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWu3rSEddZI&t=2s

There are no bad things

Hi,

Welcome. I haven't posted a blog in a long, long time. I find myself reading more again and with that there is always clarity and peace. Readers are often leaders. So let me lead you into my mind. Enjoy the read. You don't need to agree with me, or follow what I speak about, but enjoy it all the same.

I have been reading a book called, "You are a Badass." It's very funny and very inspiring. I had some thoughts to share with you about what I'm reading... enjoy.

When things don't work out the way you 'planned'... Don't say it's bad. I'm telling you nothing is 'bad.' Nothing happens the exact way you expect. It never happens the way you expect. If something unexpected happens, Say instead, "hmm, this isn't what I was expecting."

If you don't get what your expecting, have no issue with that.

The road to your objective is never the way you think it will turn out. It has surprises and if you stay positive, they will be positive surprises. Get excited when things take a different turn, and say, wow I wonder what this corner will give me! I know first hand my expectations of my life were very different from where they are now. I had no idea who or what would come into my life when I was little. It always changed and it always turns out good. But never the way I expected.


If you think this isn't the result you expected, then think, I wonder where this road will lead me. It didn't work out, but t's still good. Like being sore after a day in the gym. You didn't expect to be hurting at first, but it a good thing.

Next time your tire has a flat, or your dinner burns, or your boyfriend and you break it off, or you get fired, or a loose a job... think... hmm what will this do with my path. What opportunities will be in the future. Where will this lead me. Have a feeling of expectation of great things. Be excited, be intrigued and be open for what is next.

Let me know your 'surprises' in life that lead you to a happier place.

Month 1 to financial freedom

So it's been almost a month. We installed Mint onto our phones and hooked it all up with our accounts. We began seeking some more personal help with budgeting, that dirty word.

We made appointments to chat with friends. (friends who had more money than us, or seem to be more financial well off than us) We asked them, what do you do and how can we get started.

Of course the information came fast and flooded our minds with too much information. So we started making appointments with those willing to help.

We just had our first appointment with friends who were 'expert's' with Mint. They were super helpful in tweaking our budgets and giving us tips on how to use Mint to our liking. They took a look at our receipts were were keeping and we noticed we didn't write on some of the receipts and we were not always sure what we bought from where. For instance something said Abby #52 on Mint, but we found no receipt. Another receipt said something about StoreCanoe for $7.41. Later we found out it was a coffee shop. So we found out it was very important to keep the receipts from new or obscure places. Also it is best to enter this information ASAP onto Mint and put it in the budget where it needs to go to track how much we have left. Bascially Mint just tracks where you spend your money. You get to put in your own budget amount like $50 coffee each month and then it's up to you to stay within that $50. If you need to go over, you must take money from another budget say "entertainment budget" and slide more money allowed to the coffee fund, taking money away from the entertainment fund. You must also keep your budget to zero. This was difficult to understand until someone showed us on Mint.

Now it's practice week. We left their house feeling better handle on things and we had a list of "to do's. Unfortunatley it's already day one and I didnt' do any of the to do's. Another good reason to set up a following check up date with each other or friends, so your honest about following through.

I hope by this week Sunday we will have done at least one thing on our to do list.

Here is a peek at our list this week:

To Do:
1. Cancel our overdraft (it doesn't help our credit and we just keep dipping into it)

2. Apply and open a line of credit at at least 1 other bank than our own, get quotes from at least 4 banks. (pick the one with the lowest interested rate, such as 3-5% -try to get this at least 10,000)
Do not take any money from it.
We learned it's great to have a line of credit and not use ANY of it. (raises your credit rating)

3. Make an appointment with our bank and let them know we were approved at 3-5% with such n such bank and can they lower our interest rate or should we jump ship to this other bank? Since we have a line of credit but the interest rate is too high.

4. Make decisions based on what our bank tell us to do. If our bank lowers our rate - great, pay it off at our own bank, but keep the line of credit open at the other bank and DO NOT use it. Just there as a credit raising plan.

5. If our bank says no, go back to the other bank with the lower interest rate and use that line of credit to pay off ours at our bank. That way we are paying a lower interest rate loan off.

6. Of course keep using MINT and keep receipts that are obscure or have more than one kind of thing on it. For instance, Walmart may have homeschool stuff, gifts for bdays and groceries, you want to see how to split those up in Mint, so keep that receipt until your done with Minting it!

7. Pay off existing credit card and line of credit debt. Always pay off the smallest debt first, so you can feel the progress of it. So if your Sears account is only $500 and your credit card is $1000, pay Sears first. You will feel awesome, your debt is gone and you will be motivated and determined all the more.

8. Make a goal in MINT for paying off debt and link it to my hubbys phone and my own.

9. Look into how much my accounts are costing me and if other banks let you have more than one account free of charge or nearly free?

10. Keep breathing, listening to Pod Casts and reading books about money, no matter how BORING I find it. Keep it up. Soon it will be fun, once you see progress... I am told! haha

Financial freedom? Or enough money to pay bills?

It's Jan and that's resolution time. What did we pick for this year's resolution, yup - get out of debt and climb the ladder to financial stability. So here go - dive right in. First step - start listening to Money Pod Casts. Now I can hear words like Liquidy Ratio, Index Fund, Mutual Funds, Assets, Capital Employed, Dividends, Fixed Costs, FOB, IPOs, ETF, NPV, Share Capital, Restricted Funds, Working Capital and wait... my eyes glazed over and I can't function - off to Facebook or something...

Ok I'm back. Where was I? Oh ya and the dirty word, the filthy dirty word everyone says and very few know how to use the BUDGET! The problem most people have is not that they can't budget, but they don't have enough money to even budget with. So how does one save, climb out of debt and follow a budget, when most months your running out of money just to feed a family?

Well we are about to find out. Enjoy reading our journey on this process. Hopefully this will be a successful story and not a story of, "They tried, they failed, they are off to jail."

Emotions - the non verbal comunicator part 1

So many preschoolers go through so many emotions. They can be in a fit of giggles, and fall down into a storm of tears and all in a matter of a few minutes. What can we do as parents to help them through this stage of life? Yes, I said what can WE do to help THEM. You're the adult, so hopefully you have already learned how to handle your own emotions, or have you?

Take some time to watch your child closely one day. What and even record all the emotions they go through in one day, you will be amazed on how many different conflicting emotions they go through in one simple day. As adults, we have hard times dealing with our own emotions, but children haven't learned how to identify all their feelings yet. It may be difficult to talk about their emotions and children at this age haven't learned how to cope with them. It doesn't' help when adults tell children they shouldn't feel that way. Have you heard yourself say,
 "Settle down."
"Quit acting like a baby."
"Stop it!"
"Be quiet, don't' act like that."

What does the child hear? It could be interpreted as,
"Don't feel like that!"
"Don't show your anger."

So what's a better way for adults to help little ones control their emotions?
Here are something to think about...

Isn't it nice to know someone understands you and hears you, especially when you are upset? Adults can create this open, trusting relationship by doing a few adjustments to how we respond to children.
When we hear little Jonny melting down and saying,
"I hate you!", or he throws a toy, and shouts, "I don't like playing with you!"

We as adults can see his physical reactions, his words are letting us know how he feels. We detect that he is angry and frustrated and clearly has no idea on how to handle this. So instead of saying,
"Jonny! Don't' talk like that!"
Parents can identify with his feelings and validate them and then give him information and ideas on what he should do.

For instance it may be more helpful to say,
"I can see your pretty angry and frustrated. I can't let you throw your toy, let's find another way to express your feelings that doesn't hurt anyone."

As a mom of 3 boys, I've had to be pretty inventive on teaching my boys how to express anger. We've gone outside for quick runs, screamed in pillows, pounded on playdough, jumped on our indoor personal trampoline (we have gone through 3 of them in 6 years), pounded fists into mattresses etc.

Most times, just a firm hug has my boys collapse into tears, letting out their emotions safely and bonding us as well.

It maybe hard to hug the 'unhuggable.' But it is all the more necessary to show love to a child who is hurting, even if the hurt comes as anger. You know your child and through trial and error, you will find out what each child needs to calm their anger.
Once they calm down, you can teach them what to say and do next time they feel this emotion. Sometimes picture symbols of what to do can help, especially with boys, as they are more visually inclined than girls, in general.

Sometimes parents feel bad, when they made a decision that sets the child off into a tantrum. Parents fear they will be judged for having a child who is creating a scene in public, therefore parents threaten, bargain, beg, yell, spank, or worse, give into the demands. By setting boundaries and validating the feelings, but stick to their word,they are stronger parents and they keep the child's self esteem and dignity intact.

I found validating feelings are the most effective way to calm a child's outburst. You can say,

"You look frustrated. I know you really wanted candy, after lunch, we can look at snacks."
"I see you're sad, when he's done playing with that toy, you can have a turn, I know it's hard to wait."
"You are sad to leave grandmas, I bet you can't wait to come back."
"I can see you're angry about leaving the park, we can come again tomorrow. Do you need a hug?"

By validating feelings, your not giving in to the demands. By actively listening and guessing at their emotions your not allowing the misbehaviour, but your sticking to your word. Children will respect your word and learn that you mean what you say and say what you mean. This will be invaluable to you as they grow older.

Don't worry so much about if your child is melting down in public, most likely your around other parents. I'll bet you thousands of dollars, it has happened to them at some or other in their lives with their own children. Most people are pretty empathetic; and who knows; maybe you can be the one who shows them how best to deal with a meltdown toddler.

I remember one time, my three year old was yelling at me in the supermarket and I picked him up, as he was yelling and wiggling, I said, "It's time to go, we will try again later." I left the cart of half filled groceries. As I was leaving the store, some random lady said to me,
"Your doing a good job mom."
I sheepishly smiled and said. "thank you," but tears started brewing and my throat got all choked up. I rushed to the car, placed my now crying child in his seat and cried a bit myself. It meant so much to hear that small support from her, like she knew what I was feeling. By the time we go home, he fell asleep and I felt better. We all need empathy sometime.

The milk was not bought that day - and we all survived.