Sometimes I am so caught up in everyday life. The struggles with housework vs business vs personal vs parenting that I loose myself in 'business' of it all. I run around picking up laundry, picking up babies, wiping, cleaning, the house, the children, the fish tank. I organize, shuffle papers. I blog, Twitter, Facebook, Meetup, and post, post, post as I struggle loosely in the social media cesspool of internet identity.
I balance, trip, fall into and out of relationships with mothers, husbands, friends, family, clients. It feels like I'm tossing a small floating ball into the open sea of life, screaming out, "I'M HERE!"
I climb through books on Writers Marketing and tease my inner child as I sift through publishing companies to see who is accepting writing for publication. I jot down a few picture book ideas and leave them floating around the ether. I am certain they will be lost along with the passion they were once intended.
I make a card, hang a picture, buy a shelf and tack up a new to do list. All this running around doing the thises and the thats makes it very difficult, almost impossible, to sit down. My mind races most nights until I fall alseep. I wake up with my brain already on caffeine, shouting, "I've got yet another great project idea. Wake up and get going!”
I button, tie, comb, wash and clean myself, babies, home, business and forget to slow down, to read, to look up at the night sky and say, "wow." As usual, in the middle of the storm, once you reach this eye of the craziness, that is when it happens. Right in the middle of, "no, no, it's your turn to change him,” and you do the baby shuffle. Right in the middle of, “Can you hold him while I pee, or Can you put his pj's on, while I try to shower or shove something down my throat for survival purposes.”
It happens. Right when you're overwhelmed, exhausted, and you think that one evil thought you try to push out of your brain when your low on self assurance, love, passion and energy; that thought that says why did we decide to move into a larger house, get a dog and have babies?” Right then, it happens. When the most magic happens. You watch your tiny 4 month old baby laugh and you see it... his first tooth!
His first tooth... while I ran around with bibs under his chin, cold teethers in his mouth, pacing the floor at 3am, he did it, he cut his first tooth. What a champ! I felt so proud and excited for him. Little baby Nash cut a tiny tooth. A huge discovery in his life. I thumbed it all night and let my two year old feel the new tooth. We showed it off on the web, to grandma, to loved ones. Everyone celebrated. Nashy's first of many firsts.
This is when it all slows down. This is when everything is worth it, cause I was there. I discovered it. I may be running around like a tornado, most of the time, but tonight, I found my son's first tooth. I didn't miss it and I was HERE!